"If nothing we do in this world matters, then the only thing that matters is what we do." ~
It will forever be added to, for my love and obsession knows no bounds.
TV Series:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I grew up watching and loving Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
The show will forever be a huge comfort for me, I rewatch it roughly once a year, as well as the spin-off series Angel.
You'll notice a theme in my favorite shows/anime. Although I always end up tired by social interactions, I have always longed for the connection of a solid friend group. One where everyone trusts each other completely, and everyone supports one another, even in their ugliest moments. But reality makes those friendships so rare and precious, I consider myself lucky to have found the few I have. The scooby gang in BtVS and more-so in Angel, always gets me where I hurt the most and brings those feelings home. Getting to observe the different characters under different circumstances, watching the extremes of emotional connection whilst simulataniously fighting off *evil* is just such a feel good vibe, and I just can't get enough of it. It's like I know that if we all had a common enemy, the drama and social pressure that holds people apart would matter less to everyone. I know it sounds gushy, it's supposed to. I feel gushy about it. I wanna live in a world that's better than it is right now. So I let these shows - no matter how paranormal, outlandash and wild they may seem - to influence me. The way I think and feel as an autistic adult can be directly attributed to the varying perspectives that these shows gave me growing up.
(I will add more stamps/blinkies here as I find them or make them.)
Which brings me to Angel...
The only complaint I have over the entire series is that it isn't long enough (and there is one story arch that is a little... eh, but come on.)
The characters, the character redemptions, the comedy, the deep subjects of darker matters, it's all great. I am escaping into this series very often, and not many people know enough about it imo.
Music:
My Chemical Romance 
My Chemical Romance is that one specific band that has been the spine to my love for music. I grew up loving all kinds of genres, my older sister and mother intruduced me to a lot of artists in my younger years, but I was always drawn to the heavier, emotional lyrics... Songs with a theatrical or hidden meaning in them.
I was enamored by the likes of Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana, Foo Fighters, The Offspring, Sum 41, Iron Maiden, The Prodigy etc. from a very young age, but when I seen MCR's "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" music video come on my TV for the first time, I was hypnotised. This sound. The look... It's everything I wanted from music.
My little brain developed around the sound of their songs. I was always handed down casette tapes and albums, but the first time I ever asked for an album was "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge (2004)". And lemme tell you, once that album went into my CD player at home, the only reason it got taken out was to put it directly into my portable CD player.
I went everywhere with that CD. I listened to it on repeat. Over time, each song became my favorite.
Eventually I started using pocket money to get more albums from artists. I would find new artists through music channels like Kerrang!, MTV and sometimes I would pick up an album just based on the cover art/genre section. About half a year later, I was browsing in a local media store and came across MCR's first album "I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love (2002)".
I had no idea they had any other albums... I was giddy with excitement as I showed it to my mum and asked if I could get it this month. She brought it up to the cash register and I gripped it tight all the way home. I ran upstairs and put that CD in my player so fast and started playing it. Amazing. Yes. Please. Thank YOU.
This album solidified my love for this band. I felt like the center of the universe. It was like every song was made for me... And I had never felt so energised and heard. Their music crept into every fiber of my being. I was obsessed.
As a loner kid, I stuck my head in stories and music, barely looking up at the world. If anything I looked down on it in a way. The pain, the hatred, the sadness... The abuse... I was sick from it all. Music was my escape, and MCR was my refuge.
My entire career in primary school was hell. I was bullied relentlessly, I had one friend who barely had anything in common with me (I loved her to bits at the time, don't get me wrong. We just... were two very different people and we stuck together because we were both outcasts in our own way). So I had no one I could share this love with.
I wanted the world to know this feeling. The appreciation for music and art. I didn't want everyone to *be like me*, I just wanted them to experience the euphoria. I wanted to share it. But I had no one.
Just before I entered High School, MCR released "Welcome to the Black Parade (2006)". I was on high... That album came out at a monumental time in my life. The ether knew I needed it to survive.
Around this time I had a little bit more money, I spent most of it on MCR merch and fashion, I decorated myself inspired by the MCR music videos.
When I got to High School, it felt like just more of the same. I still wasn't supported, I didn't know I was autistic, and I just escaped further into my own world. Eventually, a group of kids in the year above me approached me and complimented my MCR bag. They invited me to hang with them.
I didn't really know how to act around people... I hadn't had a friend group before, I was socially awkward, and so the only thing I knew to talk about was this band. But over some time, certain members of that group began expressing their aggravation over my constant mention of the band.
I know now that it was their problem, but damn that shit hurt. I shut up and became closed off again. If people weren't gonna like me for just loving something, then I wasn't going to show that to anyone.
I became a clown, an annoyance, they were annoyed at me being genuine, so I'd play a role. The one who didn't take anything seriously. I wanted so desperately to be liked but in my teenage brain, I believed I'd never be liked. So I dove in headfirst into the world and didn't come up for my own air around others.
Then I got the internet. Specifically, I got unrestricted access to the internet. Mixed feelings about this because holy fucking shit but also, the resources, the worlds I had access to... It was my tether to reality again.
People weren't going to be there for me, but music always was. My Chemical Romance was always there. I continued bringing their albums with me everywhere I went, and eventually I found my people. I stopped being the clown, they stripped me down and got me back to reality again.
They shared their love of music with me, showed me new things, introduced me to the world in a way that would make sense to me. I still didn't know I was autistic, but almost everyone in those friend groups were neurodivergent themselves, go figure. lol
I realise I am going on a tangeant here, I knew this would happen. The way this band has intertwined with my very being is substantial and it's hard to seperate my life's entire story from the love and support this band gave me. So if you have read this so far, I really appreciate it.
Favorite Songs:
Vampires Will Never Hurt You
Disenchanted
The Foundations of Decay
This is How I Disappear
Thank You for the Venom
Vampire Money
Famous Last Words
Headfirst for Halos
I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
It's Not a Fashion Statement
It's a Fucking Deathwish
Favorite Album:
Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
I was enamored by the likes of Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana, Foo Fighters, The Offspring, Sum 41, Iron Maiden, The Prodigy etc. from a very young age, but when I seen MCR's "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" music video come on my TV for the first time, I was hypnotised. This sound. The look... It's everything I wanted from music.
My little brain developed around the sound of their songs. I was always handed down casette tapes and albums, but the first time I ever asked for an album was "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge (2004)". And lemme tell you, once that album went into my CD player at home, the only reason it got taken out was to put it directly into my portable CD player.
I went everywhere with that CD. I listened to it on repeat. Over time, each song became my favorite.
Eventually I started using pocket money to get more albums from artists. I would find new artists through music channels like Kerrang!, MTV and sometimes I would pick up an album just based on the cover art/genre section. About half a year later, I was browsing in a local media store and came across MCR's first album "I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love (2002)". I had no idea they had any other albums... I was giddy with excitement as I showed it to my mum and asked if I could get it this month. She brought it up to the cash register and I gripped it tight all the way home. I ran upstairs and put that CD in my player so fast and started playing it. Amazing. Yes. Please. Thank YOU.
This album solidified my love for this band. I felt like the center of the universe. It was like every song was made for me... And I had never felt so energised and heard. Their music crept into every fiber of my being. I was obsessed. As a loner kid, I stuck my head in stories and music, barely looking up at the world. If anything I looked down on it in a way. The pain, the hatred, the sadness... The abuse... I was sick from it all. Music was my escape, and MCR was my refuge.
My entire career in primary school was hell. I was bullied relentlessly, I had one friend who barely had anything in common with me (I loved her to bits at the time, don't get me wrong. We just... were two very different people and we stuck together because we were both outcasts in our own way). So I had no one I could share this love with. I wanted the world to know this feeling. The appreciation for music and art. I didn't want everyone to *be like me*, I just wanted them to experience the euphoria. I wanted to share it. But I had no one.
Just before I entered High School, MCR released "Welcome to the Black Parade (2006)". I was on high... That album came out at a monumental time in my life. The ether knew I needed it to survive.
Around this time I had a little bit more money, I spent most of it on MCR merch and fashion, I decorated myself inspired by the MCR music videos.
When I got to High School, it felt like just more of the same. I still wasn't supported, I didn't know I was autistic, and I just escaped further into my own world. Eventually, a group of kids in the year above me approached me and complimented my MCR bag. They invited me to hang with them.
I didn't really know how to act around people... I hadn't had a friend group before, I was socially awkward, and so the only thing I knew to talk about was this band. But over some time, certain members of that group began expressing their aggravation over my constant mention of the band.
I know now that it was their problem, but damn that shit hurt. I shut up and became closed off again. If people weren't gonna like me for just loving something, then I wasn't going to show that to anyone.
I became a clown, an annoyance, they were annoyed at me being genuine, so I'd play a role. The one who didn't take anything seriously. I wanted so desperately to be liked but in my teenage brain, I believed I'd never be liked. So I dove in headfirst into the world and didn't come up for my own air around others.
Then I got the internet. Specifically, I got unrestricted access to the internet. Mixed feelings about this because holy fucking shit but also, the resources, the worlds I had access to... It was my tether to reality again.
People weren't going to be there for me, but music always was. My Chemical Romance was always there. I continued bringing their albums with me everywhere I went, and eventually I found my people. I stopped being the clown, they stripped me down and got me back to reality again. They shared their love of music with me, showed me new things, introduced me to the world in a way that would make sense to me. I still didn't know I was autistic, but almost everyone in those friend groups were neurodivergent themselves, go figure. lol
I realise I am going on a tangeant here, I knew this would happen. The way this band has intertwined with my very being is substantial and it's hard to seperate my life's entire story from the love and support this band gave me. So if you have read this so far, I really appreciate it.
Vampires Will Never Hurt You
Disenchanted
The Foundations of Decay
This is How I Disappear
Thank You for the Venom
Vampire Money
Famous Last Words
Headfirst for Halos
I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
It's Not a Fashion Statement
It's a Fucking Deathwish
Favorite Album:
Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
Games
Fallout 3
Resident Evil 4
Rimworld
V Rising
Monster Hunter: World